5 Aug 2013

Top ten cars for takeaway drivers

Phone up your local curry emporium, Chinese takeaway, pizza house, kebab vendor or fish n'chip shop and ask for a meal to be delivered and it'll turn up at your house in a type of car that has it's own niche.

The takeaway driver's car can be spotted a mile away.  It is usually a dented hatchback and how it got through its MoT is a miracle.  A non-functioning headlight is a must, a coat-hanger as an aerial an optional extra and a beaded seat a bonus worth extra points.  Small diesels are good in this world, for darting down back alleys and staying in top gear almost 100% of the time.

This list was put together via various users on Twitter who chipped in with their suggestions, based on actual sightings.

Toyota Starlet

This beautiful example is for sale on Autotrader for £295.  Note the salmon pink paint that was once red.  Points should be deducted for this car coming with all its wheel trims.
Nissan Sunny

This prime Sunny estate is up for £500.  Perfect for takeaway deliveries.  It has only had one owner from new.  The seller is obviously not much of a photographer.   By the way, it's a 1.6LX.  The best spec for a takeaway car.
Daewoo Lanos

Daewoo is a newcomer to the takeaway car market but with such spectacular depreciation this 2001 Lanos is ideal at £295.  The fact it has a dent, missing wheel trim and a crisp packet in the photo ensures its credibility.
Nissan Micra

What students from the 80s and 90s learned to drive in so are now being used to deliver curry.  This one is £250 and comes in off white.  It is probably on its fifth gearbox.
Vauxhall Astra Mk3

This glorious example costs £295 and is the estate version.  It's also reddish/brown.  The seats are guaranteed to be as spongy as the suspension.  At some point the wheeltrims have departed.  Marvellous.
Renault Clio

Not the lovely modern version but the original tin can shitbox.  It has to be diesel and the gearbox should be as-new because its driver only ever uses 4th.  This one is overpriced at £495.  Any buyer should knock it down to £350 due to the rusty wheels.
Ford Escort Mk4

Front wheel drive, blobby styling and bodywork so thin you could dent it with one finger, the Escort is now the ideal takeaway car.  This one is an automatic - perfect for talking on your Nokia whilst driving.  It costs a whopping £395, probably due to the special wheel trims.
Vauxhall Corsavan

For the takeaway that delivers in bulk the Corsavan is the ideal vehicle.  This one costs £295 and comes in white.  No other colour should be considered.  As a bonus it comes with roof rails, which should be left in place but never used.
Nissan Almera

Nissans really do make ideal takeaway cars.  Take the Almera - cheap, hatchback, robust interior, got wheel trims.  Perfect.  This one costs £275.  Bargain.
Peugeot 106

If it's a Peugeot it's got to be a diesel so the driver can change into top gear within 10 yards of pulling away.  This one is overpriced at £350 and comes with a pre-made dent.  A 306 estate should also be considered.